Grief
When Grief Feels Like It Will Swallow You Whole
Grief has a way of arriving unannounced and settling deep within the soul. It doesn’t ask you for permission. It doesn’t follow a timeline. And it certainly doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some days, grief is loud-crashing in like waves that you can’t outrun. Other days, it’s quiet-lingering in the background, showing up in the smallest moments…a song, a scent, a memory you didn’t expect. But no matter how it shows up, one thing is certain: grief changes you.
If I’ve learned anything from losing my mom, it’s that grief is not weakness-it’s love with no where to go. One of the biggest misconceptions about grief is that it’s something that you’ll eventually just “get over”. Grief isn’t something you move on from-it’s something you learn to carry. Grief exists because love existed first. Man, that’s heavy. The depth of your sorrow reflects the depth of your love. And that love doesn’t just disappear because someone is gone. It lingers. It searches for a place to land. So if your heart feels heavy…it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because you loved deeply.
God is Near-Even When He Feels Far
There may be moments when God feels distant in your grief. When the prayers feel empty. When the silence feels louder than any answer. But Scripture reminds us:
“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18
God does not run from your grief-He draws hear to it. He sits with you in the pain. He collects every tear. He understands loss more than we can even comprehend. Even Jesus wept. Not because He didn’t have power…but because He had compassion. Psalm 56:8 has been such a beautiful reminder to me. It says:
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
This verse paints a powerful picture for me…and hopefully you: God as a loving Father who doesn’t overlook a single moment of your pain. In ancient times, tear bottles were sometimes used as symbols of mourning. David is expressing that God values every tear so much that He keeps them as if they are precious. This means:
Your pain is not invisible
Your grief is not wasted
Every tear has meaning before God
In 2 Kings 20:5, it says that when King Hezekiah cried out in distress, God didn’t just hear his words-He noticed his tears. This shows us that tears are a language that God clearly and deeply understands. Sometimes when words fail, tears speak.
Grief Comes in Waves-And That’s Okay
Healing is not linear. There will be days when you feel strong, hopeful-maybe you’ll even feel joyful. And then out of no where, you feel guilty for feeling joy…and the weight of the loss returns full force. And it triggers something deep within you. This doesn’t mean that you have taken a step backwards. It means you are human. Grief moves much like the tide-coming and going, sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming. The goal isn’t to stop the waves…it’s to learn how to stand in them without letting yourself be overtaken by them.
People say that it gets better with time. And in a way I do agree with that. But the one thing that has been so hard for me is that while life still goes on, I am still standing in those final moments where I wish I would have done something different. Knowing that life continues on has been the hardest truths for me to accept. And even though life does go on, it’s not the same. It’s not without deep scars as a reminder of what was lost. But…it does indeed continue. And in time, God begins to gently plant new things in the soil of your sorrow. In me, He has planted a new strength…a new purpose…a new compassion for others who are hurting. Grief may shape you-but it does not get to define your future.
Just keep holding on to the love, the memories, the impact that your loved one had on your life. Hopefully you’ll slowly learn to release the pain that keeps you stuck. You don’t have to forget them to move forward and you don’t have to “be okay” to take the next step. You just have to keep breathing…keep trusting…and keep bringing your heart to God-just as it is.
If you are walking through grief right now, please hear this:
You are not alone.
You are not forgotten.
You are not beyond healing.
You are not being punished.
God is with you in every tear, every question, every quiet moment. And even in those places…especially in those places…He is still working.
Years ago, long before I had ever experienced grief, I wrote a poem for a friend who had lost her mother. I wrote it because I didn’t have the words to say. At that moment, I couldn’t relate to her pain. But now, many years later, I know that pain very well. I hope that it will reach someone who needs it. Blessings!
“Grieving” by Carrie Cortes (Written on 7/12/2013)
Oh how my heart is breaking, I don’t know what to say,
There are no words to heal your hurt, or take the pain away.
I’m sorry isn’t good enough and hugs just make you cry,
What can I do to help you through this very trying time?
I promise I will pray for you, God heal her broken heart,
I’ll pray for peace and comfort, on my knees is where I’ll start.
I will offer you my shoulder, when the tears just won’t stop falling,
I’ll hold your hand in prayer when to our Father you are calling.
I know that life’s not fair and sometimes it slips away,
What we have right now may be gone the very next day.
But the good Lord has a plan, that I can guarantee,
Right now it may be blurry but one day you will see.
