Why Me, Lord?

“Why Me, Lord?”
I never imagined that my somewhat sarcastic rebuttal to the Lord telling me to start a women's "barn-type" ministry would amount to anything. When He whispered, "why don't you start it", I immediately snapped back and said, "well give me the place and I will." And boy does the Lord like to show out!
Since that day, I've seen God move mountains to give me the "place", just as I asked Him to. And now that I'm here and its becoming more real, I've found myself asking God: “Why me, Lord? Why would You choose me to start a women’s ministry when I’m so far from perfect?”
Memories flooded my mind — the mistakes, the broken seasons, the moments when I felt unworthy to even pray, let alone lead. I thought about the times I had stumbled, the complete messes I had made, the times my faith had wavered, and the times where I was so ashamed to even say the name of Jesus because I was so caught up in sin, and I fully knew it!

But every time I start steering towards the self-doubt, God sends someone or something to remind me of this beautiful phrase: “I never call the qualified. I qualify the called.” And the creator of heaven and earth called little Ole me!
It was as if He whispered directly to my spirit, “Daughter, I didn’t choose you because you’re perfect. I chose you because you know what it means to be broken and still find Me there. I chose you because your scars tell a story of My grace. I chose you because women need to see that healing is possible — through Me.”
I've realized this ministry was never about showcasing perfection — God revealed that on October 21st (our very first women's fellowship night) when He told me to go ahead and host a ladies night of worship. I kept saying, the barn is not perfect. It's dirty. I don't have the doors finished. What will people think when they see dirt on the walls? The list of excuses kept coming!
But its about showing Jesus, for He is perfect. It was about walking with other women through the same valleys I once thought I’d never leave.
The barn may not have been perfect...but God still used it! That's exactly what He's with me. I'm not perfect, but He's still using me.
And so, I stopped asking “Why me?”
And started saying, “Use me. Here I am Lord, I'm willing.”
Because if God can use someone imperfect like me to reach even one hurting woman, then every crack in my story becomes a place where His light shines through.